Every little thing you do means so much to me. Even knowing that you read my blog really means alot to me. =)

Recently, I have voices popping into my head saying "Go Daniel, go tell him that you love him when you meet up with him." My reply to the voice was "I want to but... I don't know when is the right time. I wanted to say it to him many times before but it doesn't seem to be the right time at the right place. When is the right time and where is the right place?"

Alot of noises going on in my head. Very noisy. Even doggy was telling me those things. Everything around me is going like "Daniel why... why haven't you said it yet. You had so many chances but you miss alot of them."

Am I not aware of my chances? I think so. Am I not aware of my chances? I think not.

What am I suppose to do? When am I suppose to do what I should do.

The other night I was crying to myself, thinking about what if when we do get attach then broke off, It'd be like how I was with my ex. Not talking much and such. I really want to be with him yet I am afraid of that. Can history not repeat itself? I think not. It has repeated twice for me. Even though they say every failed relationship makes you stronger, I am not that strong anymore.

I told my kor about it and his reply was "How come you always so negative."

Daniel, why are you always so negative? Can't you be positive for once in your life?
Whenever I think positively, voices starts to come back. I don't know where the voices came but they tend to be irritating. Then they start putting me down they won't go away until I succumb to their power. I know its hard to believe but they really do exist inside me. How do I get them out of me, I don't know. These voices have been with me for a very long time already.

"Daniel, you think to much."
"Daniel, thinking is good. It works the brain."

Daniel this, Daniel that. sigh.

Anyway, I had this beautiful dream today.

It goes like this...

On this white sandy beach, watching the sunset with Anson. It is really a very beautiful scene. Maybe this is what I've wanted, alone time, enjoying the beautiful scenary, a happy ending.

'I don't think about the future, I think about the present because I can only control the present.'

But what I have in the present will shape into something of a future that I want. My current self is what I had created in the past with all those negativity. If I want to be positive, I have to work it now so my past would be my present. Kinda complicated but you should get what I mean.

Want to tell all this to Anson over the phone or maybe when I meet up with him.

Today's post is kinda long because I have alot to say.